“So tonight I was making dinner and Jeopardy was on the tv. One of the questions was something like “what international icon of the cold war collapsed on November 9, 1989″

Dad was walking by, heard the question, and said “the Brooklyn Wall.”

huh??”

My mom was busy with something at home, so instead of reading said email to Sansar, she gave him her Blackberry so he could read the message himself.

Then yesterday, she saw Dave’s post that he’d played and told Sansar that “Dave had played for Sesame Street – isn’t that fun!”

To which he responded, “Oh, did he play the tuba?”

“Tuba, what do you mean?”

He said, “Isn’t that what he said he was playing?”

…

And the moral is, get Sansar (the man who has dedicated his entire life to reseraching degenerative eye diseases) higher powered glasses so he can read a Blackberry.

The setting: 1 day before  hurriblizzard/snowicane 2010.

mama sharma says to the sharminator, it’s time to redo the bathroom!  it’s got wallpaper from the early 90s, mixed up hot-and-cold faucets, and a medicine cabinet from 1977.  not what you’d call an oasis by any stretch of the imagination. 

so as they think about what to do, what to replace, what to fix, what to leave, mama sharma thinks to herself, “you know, we really should have dropped the ceiling in here a long time ago” (said ceiling is about 16 feet high and slanted, which means the room has poor lighting and ventilation). 

but the operative words there are  TO HERSELF. 

And the Sharminator, handyman that he is, gets himself a bunch of 2x4s and – i kid you not – hauls a ladder up the stairs, sticks it in the middle of the 6×8 room, and FRAMES A NEW CEILING. 

by himself.  the man is 71 on wednesday.

and during the  hurriblizzard?  he installs the sheetrock to complete the job.

granted, he complained about an aching shoulder the entire time, and mama was mostly worried he’d fall and his head on any number of jagged and/or porcelain objects.  but the guy did it. 

much like, when in passing during the winter of 1980 mama said “it sure is drafty in here” and sansy pulled out a sledgehammer to knock down the uninsulated wall that caused said draft. 

he’s impulsive, sure.  but who can complain when his impulsiveness only manifests itself in seeking to create warmer, more efficient rooms?

In the meantime, I could not resist teeling this story.

It’s Wednesday morning – the first morning that it’s above 50 degrees, the sun is shining, New York is smiling, and I’m late for work (obviously).

I do my normal commute – up the 48 escalator stairs (no run-ins with a mean guy this time), out onto 42nd street, up the hill to 2nd avenue… when what, to my wondering eyes should appear? but a 23-year old leprechaun, speed-walking down the street.

Yes, my friends. It was the St. Patty’s Day ’09 walk of shame.

And shameful it was!

She was about 23. About yay high. Blonde hair. Sunglasses. Denim Skirt. Black flats. All of this could seem normal to an early spring new york morning… until you realized she was awash in festivity.

Kiss Me I’m Irish T-shirt. Green leggings. A hand full of green ribbons and holding a pair of bouncing deely boppers with green sparkly pom poms on the end. Disheveled hair. And the clincher? Smeared green face paint on her cheek.

Apparently, this little leprechaun was up to some mischeif last night!

Unfortunately, the camera phone was buried at the bottom of my bag, but the sight was so surprising, so funny that I stopped dead in my tracks and burst out laughing.

This run-in absolutely made up for all my hatred of drunken revelers last evening. For you, my little leprechaun, i shall give St. Patty’s day another chance.

First, a pooja at Baba Balak Nath temple in Queens.  Not a part of queens I’d ever been to, nor a temple I’d ever notice (had to do a few u-turns till i found it).  Did a few prayers, rejoiced in my cousin’s return from college in india and his parents 25th wedding anniversary.  all lovely, if you define lovely as 3 guys yelling into maxed out mics in a 5,000 year old dead language that maybe 4 people total in the room understood.  but hey, it’s family.  whatcha gonna do?

Then to the upper east side, where the wasp contingent got their 15 minutes… my godfather, the minister of an episcopal church, had invited us to a lessons-and-carols service.  i love nothing more than christmas carols in church, so i was in heaven (pun intended).  my darling father, however, was slightly bored.  he loves a carol or two, but mostly because it gives him the opportunity to laugh at my mom and I as we try to keep up with a far too fast version of the first nowell, or try to figure out the notes when no one else around us is singing and we’re sitting too far in the back to hear the choir properly.  there was no sermon, no communion… just the offering.  it’s a small, family, neighborhood church, and it’s my godfather at the helm, so of course we’re throwing him a few.

when the collection plate comes around, what does dear sansar whisper, just loud enough for us and the directly adjacent pews to hear?

“wages for sin!”

the man is nothing if not an utter and total riot.

A nonsensical non-sequitur?  Perhaps.  Regardless, please read below and pass along to friends, coworkers, or other semi-relations.  Or relations.  Just help!

***

I am sending this on behalf of my friend Maureen McCormack.  She is currently in search of two new roommates (one roommate is moving back to LA and the other is moving in with her boyfriend). She is looking to rent the two bedrooms until at least April, with the possibility to take over the lease at that time.
 
About the apartment:
Located at 63rd and West End Avenue.  A large two bedroom converted to a three. It is a full service building with doorman, gym w/pool, etc. There is a shuttle that runs every 20 minutes in the morning and drops residents off at Columbus Circle subway station.
 
Room Details:
Smaller bedroom: $1200. Closet in bedroom and access to large hallway closet. Window looks out onto the balcony. Decent size – easily fits a full size bed and two night stands. The person taking this room would share a bathroom with Maureen.
 
Larger bedroom: $1600. Huge bedroom with its own bathroom and double closet. Currently fits a queen sized bed, two night stands, dressers, with much room to spare.
 
About Maureen:
Maureen is in her late 20s.  She works full-time at Lincoln Center as the Government and Community Relations Officer.  She is fun and outgoing, and is looking for roommates who are clean, relatively quiet, can pay rent in full and on-time.  She is open to any and all inquiries regardless of age, race, or gender.
 
If interested:
Please email Maureen at maureenrfc@aol.com for more information.  
 
Thanks!

Format:  Indiom – Meaning/Real Word

Snow Fuzzy – snow flurry

The dress just doesn’t do her justice.  There’s something… wrong about the way it fits.  We see it a lot in bridal parties.  Maybe it’s too tight under the armpits?  Maybe she’s too busty for the dress?  Maybe it’s a poor tailoring job?  Or maybe it’s as simple as strapless dresses don’t work on everyone.

Whatever the reason, it now has a name:

Fortesh (fr-tsh), noun:  the skin flap often seen hanging over the top of a strapless dress or tube top; commonly occurs when a dress fits improperly for one reason or another; is not associated with weight, body fat, or build; can happen to anyone.

Photos welcome!  Please share (we’ll crop out the faces). 

term coined by Dan Weinbach, via Sara Weisenthal, c. 1988 Ann Arbor, MI.